What is your Church doing to support survivors of domestic abuse?
/by Sally Hope
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**This article focuses on supporting women survivors of domestic abuse within a Christian context, particularly how churches can come alongside women through dedicated support groups. For women who need immediate support, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is available on 0808 2000 247. While the emphasis is on women’s experiences, we acknowledge that men can also be victims of domestic abuse. If you are a man experiencing abuse, support is available through organisations such as Men’s Advice Line (www.mensadviceline.org.uk), which offers confidential advice and support across the UK.**
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Roughly how many women are in your church congregation?
Take a moment to pause and picture some of the faces of the women in your church, try to focus on four of these women. Four beloved daughters of God, uniquely created and deeply loved by the King of kings.
One in four women will experience domestic abuse at some point in their adult lives, those statistics remain the same, if not slightly higher for Christians. In a 2018 study Restored found that one in four churchgoers reported experiencing abusive behaviours in their current relationship, and that figure rose to a whopping 42.2% when including past relationships. These findings are consistent with previous studies carried out by the Evangelical Alliance and The Methodist Church, as well as with international research.
Despite this, only 2 in 7 churchgoers consider their church to be adequately equipped to deal with a disclosure of domestic abuse, worse, in a later study, 36% of survivors who disclosed abuse to their church reported that doing so had made the situation worse.
What can you do to help?
Behind these statistics are real people; women like those you pictured at the start of this article, women who will be sitting in your pews, keeping the fact that they are being abused secret due to fear and shame. I was once one of those women; seemingly a nice normal Christian mum and wife, attending church with my family, trying my utmost to hold everything together and get through the service without anyone realising something was wrong.
When I finally left my husband, I felt utterly alone. I felt as though nobody in my church understood my experience of domestic abuse, and whilst they tried, they weren’t able to answer all the questions abuse had made me ask about my faith without resorting to judgment or platitudes. The secular support services were brilliant, but they largely saw my faith as part of the problem, not as part of the solution.
Yet, as faith communities we have so much to offer to survivors of abuse, things that are known to be protective factors in building resilience, promoting healing and helping people to stay safe from further abuse. Community cohesion, community support and personal faith are all known to be beneficial to survivors, these are our strengths and with the right training, understanding and commitment, we really could be part of the solution.
Come alongside us
When I left my abusive marriage my religious beliefs fell apart, suddenly everything I’d been sure of made no sense, where was God when I was being abused? Why had God let this happen to me? Was I really expected to forgive my abuser? And if so, what if I couldn’t? These questions and more crippled my faith for some time and I worked through them on my own, all the time wishing I had other Christian women alongside me.
When domestic abuse happens in Christian families it usually features an element of spiritual abuse, the victims faith will be weaponised to further control her, to belittle her and to justify the abuse. As a result of this many survivors lose their faith altogether when they leave, so intertwined has their faith become with their experience of abuse. I don’t know why this didn’t happen to me. I know it wasn’t because of anything I did, but was entirely down to the God who shows up, and won’t go away no matter how much you rail and spew your anger. The God who leaves behind the ninety-nine to pursue the one. The God who loves relentlessly, outrageously, who heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Twelve years on from my own experience I am determined to be the hands and feet of my God who clung to me when I was in need. I want to minister to other women making that journey, so that no-one ever needs to walk that tangled up road of healing from domestic abuse whilst trying to rebuild a broken faith, alone, like I did.
The Always Hopeful Programme*
Whilst working for a women’s refuge as a group support practitioner, I developed a recovery programme specifically for Christian women who have survived domestic abuse. The Always Hopeful Programme is eleven weeks long and helps women to work out their own faith in light of their experiences. It explores questions of identity in Christ, forgiveness, guilt, anger as well as looking afresh at the bible passages most commonly used against women in abusive relationships. Your church could facilitate an Always Hopeful Programme, you don’t need any particular knowledge or skills because full training is available, all you need is a commitment to show Jesus’ love to women. You can find all the resources available to help you do this and more information here.
It's not always possible or practical for women to join a peer support group like the Always Hopeful Programme. Some people may not feel brave enough to join a group, others may not have the availability due to work or childcare, still others might not be able to find an Always Hopeful Programme available near them. So, for those women I wrote No Visible Scars (SPCK, 2025). No Visible Scars takes the content of The Always Hopeful Programme and makes it available as an individual recovery book that anyone can work through in their own time, at their own pace. I hope that No Visible Scars can be a blessing, offering hope and healing to Christian women at the time they need it most. No Visible Scars is available now from most bookshops. I’d love to see one in every church library.
*cost involved
About the author
Sally Hope is a writer with a specialism in faith, feminism and domestic abuse. Sally is the creator of the Always Hopeful Programme, author of 30 Steps to Finding Yourself (Vie, 2024), and her latest book No Visible Scars (SPCK, 2025) is a recovery journal for Christian women who have experienced domestic abuse.